My Story
Friends and acquaintances tell me I’m a calming person to talk to, even when I’m speaking passionately about helping people recover from Trauma, Attention Deficit Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Depression. But I wasn’t always this way.
I was terrorized every day of my young life, so I grew up thinking it was normal to be afraid all the time. As well, I was raised with what is officially called “Childhood Emotional Neglect”. That means when I wasn’t being terrorized I was ignored.
When a child is traumatized they feel it’s their fault.
The only alternative, that their caretakers are at fault, is too much for them to handle because their very life depends on that care. So I grew up with the feeling there was something deeply wrong with me.
In my teens I started to self-destruct with drugs and alcohol,
and when I was 27 had a psychological crisis.
The Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) I’d had since I was a child got worse, and I had the recurring thought many times a day that I was a terrible person. I seriously considered suicide. But I wanted so badly for my two young children to have a good father, the opposite of what I’d had, so I decided to stick around.
There are many variations of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Although I had the obsessive thoughts I never had the compulsive actions, so I never hurt anybody. I just made myself very unhappy, and was severely depressed for the next 35 years.
Because I was ignored as a child I craved human connection,
but my OCD made it difficult.
For a long time I couldn’t look people in the eye. The leader of a group therapy I went to called me “Mr. Fear”. Most of the time I was able to work to support myself, but I was painfully alone, and every day was a struggle. When I saw someone walking down the street, I would wish I was him. When I saw someone die in a movie I would feel very relaxed, and think to myself “It’s OK. They have peace now.” I developed a death wish.
I was very unhappy. But fortunately I started to believe in reincarnation, which says that whatever life lessons you don’t learn in this lifetime, you have to come back and learn in your next lifetime. And there was no way I was going to go through the misery of this lifetime again, so I decided to stay, and learn whatever I had to learn to live a happy life this time around.
I developed an insatiable drive for personal growth.
I tried everything I could think of, but I had no idea what I was doing. I often struggled for a long time trying to learn something I thought would help end my depression, only to find out later it was either a complete waste of time or actually made things worse. I learned a lot about what doesn’t work, and about what does.
My learning would have been so much quicker if I’d had an experienced guide.
Then when I was 47 I joined a meditation group based on Ancient Wisdom, and my learning how to live a good life increased significantly. In the 25 years since then I healed most of my ADD and my OCD, and slowly I was able to gain control of my thoughts. That’s so important because our thoughts create our feelings and emotions. I learned to feel good.
My understanding of myself, of other people, and of how the world works increased dramatically. Things that used to be complicated and confusing became simple and clear. I created a successful business, made good friends, and built a life filled with meaning and purpose. I became more of the person I always wanted to be.
Until I experienced how wonderful life can be, I never would have believed it.
And I always remember that without the years of my suffering I wouldn’t have gained the experience and insight to help others recover from their own Trauma, ADD, OCD, and depression quickly.
Over the next three years I took three long coaching courses, and each one was dramatically better than the last. I learned powerful healing techniques, but the most important thing I learned is that I’m a natural. My clients tell me I help them feel calm and safe. That’s always a good place to start.
Apply for a Free 90 Minute “Get Out of Depression Now” coaching session.
I look forward to hearing your story,
Ken Lapp
Things are going to get easier